1. Posh Potty
Psst, Posh Spice, here's the latest word in stylish pottys. Harper's probably getting to the stage soon when she'll be wanting to do number ones and twos in a fashion forward setting.
So if you want something sparkly for Harper then grab this exclusive potty that's studded with Swarovski crystals. And if you dear reader are sobbing that you simply haven't got that kind of cash to spend on a potty to bribe your daughter, then all I can say is, there are plenty of cheaper bribes out there that can work equally well. Believe me, we've all been there - potty training bribes are what it's all about. From chocolate buttons to letting kids play mind numbing games like Angry Birds every time they poop in the correct hole, when the shit hits the fan you do what you can.
2. Facts of Life on a Pillow
This pillow is marketed to kids. I'm all for letting them know about the facts of life but isn't this going a bit forking far?
3. Pee and Poo Plush Toys
Which product designer thought to themselves, “You know what the world needs? Stuffed animals in the image of bodily excrement." You know who you are.
4. Pissed Book Designer let's it all hang out
Beer, bear… what’s the difference, really?
5. She-male dolls
These dolls from Russia quite clearly have both male genitalia and the long flowing hair typically associated with females. I'm a tad confused here. Are they doll versions of David Lee Roth or what?
6. Lost in Translation
Is it fair of LEGO to upset kids at such a young age? Do youngsters really need to know of a possibly sexually frustrating future via the Cock Bloc Super. I think not.
7. Remote Control Lederhosen
For the kid who has everything - a pair of fat dancing ghost pants controlled by a knockwurst. This was either invented by a Nazi war criminal or Walt Disney. Guaranteed to give any kid nightmares.
8. Toy Designer with Mental Problems
I couldn't believe this was real but there's actually a video about it here. Just a very odd idea indeed. Maybe the doll's designer spends too much time alone with his workbench and powertools?
9. Growing Up Skipper
Skipper was meant to be Barbie's little sister, but in 1975, Mattel decided it was time for Skipper to become an adolescent. After countless minutes of research, Mattel settled on trying to 'keep it real.' That, of course, meant that when you rotated Skipper's left arm, she'd grow an inch taller and pop out some tits. Just like a real girl! It goes without saying that there were a few complaints and the doll - which was, alas, pulled from the market.
10. The Kaba Kick
Kaba Kick is Russian Roulette for kids, well in this case a Japanese Roulette. The player points the gun at his or her own head and pulls the trigger. Instead of bullets, a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo). If the gun doesn't fire, the player earns points. What a lovely and constructive game!
And if you have a little less in your budget this Christmas, remember that our book Cocktails at Naptime - A Woefully Inadequate Guide to Early Motherhood is now available for download at the ibookstore here or available in paperback here. So if you know a new mum who is on the edge of sanity - get her a copy today!