Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Romancing the Crone


If any of you out there are newly solo and rushing to join a dating website, let me offer you a word of caution before you dive in. There is a new breed of man out there looking to hook forty plus women. He will whisper words of utter delight in your ear, he will look like a God and will immediately be smitten by 'your beautiful smile.' The downside is he's a Romeo Scammer, and, as a mature friend of mine told me, they are wriggling all over the dating website scene, like woodworms in wood!

Yes, in tough economic times people are no longer responding to spam emails promising to grow your penis three extra inches or from melodramatic Nigerian government officials asking to lend them money which you will get back soon with 400% interest. These days you need to have the time, and a certain amount of talent to lure gullible people into parting with their cash.

For the woman of a certain age it all starts when a sexy young under thirty guy connects with you on a dating website and sends you a hunky photo of himself. You might initially think what the heck, even if this guy is a tad too young for me he is smokin' hot, you go girl! If you live in America this guy will claim to be American but alas, he will always live at least a hundred miles away. He'll tease and torment you with his emails at first which are grammatically unsound but you think, well, he does say he's a contractor working in Nebraska, so what if he spells like someone who has just learnt English. When the heart finds that perfect soul mate who cares if he can't spell for shit?

The scam goes on in that the guy never gives you his phone number or asks for yours, starts IMing like a love sick schoolboy and sooner or later arranges to fly over to meet you until a glitch occurs, he claims finances are tight, could you please wire over the money for the flight my dearest darling girl, so we can be together? My friend is au fait with the procedure as she sometimes likes to toy with these Romeo Scammers for kicks. And when she checks their IP addresses they are always (quel surprise!) located in Africa.

If there are any documentary makers out there I'd love them to find out if there are call center type places called Romeo Towers or Passionate Plaza in Africa where these Romeo Scammers ply their trades. Just imagine the conversations when a new guy comes on shift:

Romeo 1 "Where are you up to with that lady in Baltimore?"

Romeo 2 going off shift: "Well, I having warm her up nice hot and you can go in for killing. I have told her I am ready to be flying out to Baltimore from Nebraska seeing to her give one. I telling her in last email: Waiting you the playing sweet music love the making me. Cannot wet to your stroke soft skin and shower the perls over you."

Priceless!

All I'm saying is don't be caught out by the new Romeo Scammers out there. If a young toy boy with abs of steel is immediately smitten by you be assured he may want to plunge, not into your hot body but deep into the crevices of your wallet.

27 comments:

  1. I think the lesson to be learned for women who use personal sites is that if you get a response from a guy who is old fat ugly and poor, grab him quick, because you can be sure he's genuine. :oP

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  2. Ha! I doubt he'll find much in the crevices of my wallet... perhaps an old bus ticket and an unlicked stamp...
    Sx

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  3. Maybe there's a job opportunity for unpaid writers like me? I could offer to improve their grammar and grasp of English and professionally porno up their passionate missives?

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  4. Steve...My God I think you're onto something. You could outsource Spam emails for the African Romeos or maybe create a computer programme to automatically generate it -sprinkling in phrases like 'your lips are like rose petals' and 'your thighs as firm as cantaloupes' etc.

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  5. Aussiescribbler..what puzzles me is you never sleep. Isn't it night in Australia? Or are you an owl?

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  6. Who on earth falls for these pitches? Haven't they heard the saying "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"?

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  7. Well at the other end of the dating rainbow I am more of a Dog than a God, my grammar is flawless, I have piles of money and will shower you with insults...and I'm not having much luck with chicks either.
    What the hell do your people want, FFS...

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  8. I'm in the middle of a film festival, so I only have the hours after midnight to surf the net and only get a chance to sleep during slow-paced movies about stuttering Turkish orphans or recently bereaved Filipino grandmothers.

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  9. " I telling her in last email: Waiting you the playing sweet music love the making me. Cannot wet to your stroke soft skin and shower the perls over you." Hilarious!! Can't stop laughing x

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  10. Oh wow. I feel sorry for those women who invest so much in it emotionally (and financially). Bloody bastards. Great blog though x @Bern_morley

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  11. This picture gave me lady wood.
    The words under said picture were quite impressive also x

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  12. Your blog is hilarious! Just up my street. I cannot fathom just how dim some people are in responding to these thieving gits. I now of one close contact who has done something similar - I justcannot get my head around it no matter how lonely a person can be. A fool and his/her money are soon parted!

    I've read a few posts - you've made my day.

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  13. Expat Mum...I think I'd probably fall for it yes I am that gullible. I'm also a sucker for a nicely toned stomach. Luckily I am married and not on the lookout for a Romeo Scammer.

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  14. Fingers....I thought your problem was that you are attracted to skeletal air heads some of whom have substance abuse problems? Pretty much a recipe for disaster. Maybe you should ask Charlie Sheen how he manages to pull the ladies (silly question he pays by the hour) Good luck xx

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  15. Love it! Argh. Now I'm horny.

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  16. My cheque book is open who do I make it out to? I so want to be shower over with perls...

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  17. Damn.

    He told me he really meant it.

    *rushes to check bank account*

    LCM x

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  18. This is hilarious! Ok, it's not hilarious that its happening - that's awful, but your writing is hilarious, and the comments are side splitting :)

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  19. nice blog, but what a pity that it's true. some people suck.

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  20. You mean that lovely Nigerian man won't give me my money back?! Fuck!
    Miss Emma, you were the most prolific commenter in this week's FYBF, thank you ever so kindly for sharing so much comment lovin'.
    G x

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  21. Thanks for the warning...not that I'm planning to be in that scene any time soon LOL...

    My Dad met is wife on the net...I always feel a little wierd saying that...but they seem happy.

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  22. Right so note to self - don't look for extra-marital fling with hunky looking bloke in internet that can't even spell penis lol!! Hillarious post, glad I found your blog.

    Jac

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  23. This one made me laugh out loud. Although, I do wonder about how people fall for those scams.

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  24. http://web.me.com/kpbowen/Site/muthasuperior/Entries/2008/12/18_Pedro_Lopez-Silva.html

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  25. I posted the above link. I had a Rotting Romeo experience you might enjoy.

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